Discussion:
Where does the damned book come from?!
(too old to reply)
kyletranel10
2004-11-24 18:28:44 UTC
Permalink
listen fool i will tell you the language in the book but only if you tell
me where it is. no location no language. and if you were wondering my
family goes bsk 1800 years and probembly more. my family used to own the
necronomicon about 1300 years ago. that book has been around forever. not
just when lovecraft said he discovered it. which he didn't. 6 generations
of my family have died over that book protecting it. and noe the goverment
has it at the white house or somewear and my family wants it back so once
again it will be safe. if you want to know more just go under the post
necronomicom and it is written by me.
kyletranel10...........................................
Don D'Ammassa
2004-11-24 23:44:14 UTC
Permalink
Post by kyletranel10
listen fool i will tell you the language in the book but only if you
tell me where it is. no location no language. and if you were
wondering my family goes bsk 1800 years and probembly more. my family
used to own the necronomicon about 1300 years ago. that book has been
around forever. not just when lovecraft said he discovered it. which
he didn't. 6 generations of my family have died over that book
protecting it. and noe the goverment has it at the white house or
somewear and my family wants it back so once again it will be safe. if
you want to know more just go under the post necronomicom and it is
written by me. kyletranel10...........................................
What are you? Ten years old maybe? You don't really expect anyone to
believe this nonsense, do you?
Nogods Nomasters
2005-01-05 03:07:24 UTC
Permalink
It never hails to amaze me that people can take the fantasies of a
contemporary author with such seriousness.

About 20 years ago a group of my friends got heavily into witchcraft.
They accumulated a substantial library of books on the matter. Some were
history of witchcraft, others purported to be spell books. I read a few
of them for kicks. One of the books, the crown jewel of their
collection, was a copy of the Necronomicon.

This was an elaborate tome, which according to the owner dated back to
the late 20's or early 30's. It was a ornately embossed soft black
leather book, about the size and thickness of a typical hard bound book.
The edges of the pages were gilt with silver and it had a silver
embossed pentagram like symbol on the front, a pentigram overlaid with
other asemitrical designs. No type or words on the exterior. I opened it
up and found that the foreword by the publisher identified it as one of
a limited number of copies from a second printing. A red stamp indicated
specifically number 2667 of 3333.

I was warned not to read the text unless I wanted to tempt the wrath of
terrible demons that would come in the night and strip the flesh from my
bones. Ahem. Ever the skeptic, and as it was in english not arabic, I
read on. Over a period of time I read it all, or most of it. I somehow
felt that my friends were a little disapointed that I was never consumed
by flames or devoured in a horrible spectical before their eyes. For
kicks I would read aloud from it and send them running for cover.

Many parts of the book read like excerpts from a Lovecraft novel and I
recognized most of the names in the book as being from his works. To me
it seemed like the work of a devoted fan. But to my friends it was a
book of vile darkness. Although I think it destroyed some of the
mystique for them when I read the book and lived.

Anyway, some time later, maybe about a year, after most of my friends
had out grown that phase and moved on to D&D, there cam a knocking at my
door. It was late, after midnight, and pouring rain. I opened the door
and found my friend standing there, soaking wet. He looked very
distraught, fearfull, under his arm was a shoebox.

I let him in and asked if something was wrong. He thrust the shoebox at
me and said, "Here take these and put them away where I can't get at
them or I don't know what might happen! Their yours. Sell them and keep
whatever money you can get."

He colapsed into a chair, slumped forward holding his face in his hands
and began to sob openly. I peeked in the shoebox and a chill sank
through me from what I saw. It was his copy of the Necronomicon, and a
nickle plated, pearl handled 45 automatic.

I quickly put the shoebox in the closet, out of sight and out of reach,
then closed the door securely. I pulled up a chair and sat in front of
my friend. "Tell me," I said as compassionately as I could, "tell me
what's happened, What is this all about?" And I must say I was relieved
that it was not as bad as I imagined when I first saw the gun.

He told me about having fallen in with a "warlock." Some guy that owned
a metaphysical book store in a neighboring city. Who had agreed to help
my friend in his search for knowledge, if my friend would serve him as
an apprentice. The warlock had been demanding more of my friends time
and in an ever increasing role of subserviance. He had recently demanded
that my friend shave off all his hair and body hair and return it to
him. And that he further cut all ties with his friends and family. When
my friend refused the warlock had told him he had no choice, because he
had planted a seed in my friends brain and if he did not comply it would
fester and he would grow sick and die. It was clear to me as I listened
that the "warlock" was more interested in a having a smooth young "boy"
as a sex slave than anything else.

Due to my experience as a mental health professional I realized that the
"Ya know this is a bunch of bullshit" approach would be useless. I had
to come up with something else. I didn't really want to have him placed
on a psychiatric hold.

I recalled a spell from one of my friends books, The White Light of
Purification. It was supposed to be a defensive spell for protection
from harm, specifically from other witches. I asked my friend if he
recalled that spell and he did. The spell is very simple, mostly
meditation. Concentrate on the flame of a candle till you see nothing
but white light and you are protected. A load of crap yeah, but my
friend believed. Meanwhile, I told him I would use my psychic powers
(lol) to extract the seed from his brain. So I massaged his scalp and
neck, as I would for anyone with a tension headache, until he relaxed
and stated that he had achieved the white light and that he felt the
seed was gone.

His demeanor was remarkably improved or I would never have let him go
home. He Assured me he would not harm himself, thanked my for the
strength of our friendship and expressed concern for my well being,
having removed the wizard seed from his brain and all.

As a footnote to this part of the story I must relate that I had an
unusual nightmare that night. Not that it had anything to do with the
nights events, other than being influence by the bizarreness of it all.
But I dreamt that my body was covered with large boil like sores. When I
touched one of the sores it burst open and maggots came spilling out.
When my hand swept the worms from my arm it caused others to burst open
excruding wriggling masses of maggots. Then all over my body they began
to burst forth. I awakened in a sweat, and thought, "Whoa, that was
weird."

The next day I looked in the yellow pages for book sellers, or rather
buyers of rare and exotic books. I called a couple and described what I
had and was told "We want no part of such a thing." Eventually a store
in Berkeley expressed an interest.

When I entered, the clerk was busy with another customer so I browsed
around. All the books were on magic, astrology, tarrot, etc.
Additionally they had a wide selection of herbs, candles, incense and
the like. Eventually the customer concluded their business and the brass
bell obove the door clanged loudly signalling their departure.

The clerk was not the person whom I had spoke with on the phone and he
was full of questions. How did I come by it. What did I know of it. Had
I... read it. I was greeted with an expression of respectfull awe when I
said that I had. He offered $300 for it.

I took the money and set it aside in the shoebox with the 45, which I
had decided not to try and sell. It wasn't registered to me and I
thought that might be a problem. Besides I figured in a few months when
my friend had his shit together he might want it back, and the $300
could be a nice little surprise for him.

So anyway, that's my experience with the Necronomicon. And all parties
are still alive and well, 20 years later.
Al Smith
2005-01-05 18:35:21 UTC
Permalink
This is such a touching tale of redemption, I can't resist adding
my own brief commentary.
Post by Nogods Nomasters
It never hails to amaze me that people can take the fantasies of a
contemporary author with such seriousness.
Authors! Never trust 'em. A shifty bunch.
Post by Nogods Nomasters
About 20 years ago a group of my friends got heavily into witchcraft.
They accumulated a substantial library of books on the matter. Some were
history of witchcraft, others purported to be spell books. I read a few
of them for kicks. One of the books, the crown jewel of their
collection, was a copy of the Necronomicon.
Which has nothing at all to do with witchcraft.
Post by Nogods Nomasters
This was an elaborate tome, which according to the owner dated back to
the late 20's or early 30's.
That long ago? Wow.

It was a ornately embossed soft black
Post by Nogods Nomasters
leather book, about the size and thickness of a typical hard bound book.
The edges of the pages were gilt with silver and it had a silver
embossed pentagram like symbol on the front, a pentigram overlaid with
other asemitrical designs.
Silver, not gold? Cheap bastards.

No type or words on the exterior. I opened it
Post by Nogods Nomasters
up and found that the foreword by the publisher identified it as one of
a limited number of copies from a second printing. A red stamp indicated
specifically number 2667 of 3333.
What, the publisher was too lazy to hand-number his limited
edition? But seriously, the dread significance of the number 2667
should have warned you away.
Post by Nogods Nomasters
I was warned not to read the text unless I wanted to tempt the wrath of
terrible demons that would come in the night and strip the flesh from my
bones. Ahem. Ever the skeptic, and as it was in english not arabic, I
read on. Over a period of time I read it all, or most of it. I somehow
felt that my friends were a little disapointed that I was never consumed
by flames or devoured in a horrible spectical before their eyes.
Me too.

For
Post by Nogods Nomasters
kicks I would read aloud from it and send them running for cover.
Many parts of the book read like excerpts from a Lovecraft novel
He only ever wrote one novel, you know. He was a short story man.

and I
Post by Nogods Nomasters
recognized most of the names in the book as being from his works. To me
it seemed like the work of a devoted fan. But to my friends it was a
book of vile darkness.
Sounds vile from your description.

Although I think it destroyed some of the
Post by Nogods Nomasters
mystique for them when I read the book and lived.
That takes away a lot of its appeal for me.
Post by Nogods Nomasters
Anyway, some time later, maybe about a year, after most of my friends
had out grown that phase and moved on to D&D,
Their more "mature" phase.

there cam a knocking at my
Post by Nogods Nomasters
door. It was late, after midnight, and pouring rain. I opened the door
and found my friend standing there, soaking wet.
You open your front door after midnight? You nut. Was there a
raven on his shoulder?

He looked very
Post by Nogods Nomasters
distraught, fearfull, under his arm was a shoebox.
Soggy shoe box.
Post by Nogods Nomasters
I let him in and asked if something was wrong. He thrust the shoebox at
me and said, "Here take these and put them away where I can't get at
them or I don't know what might happen! Their yours. Sell them and keep
whatever money you can get."
I'm guessing a pair of loafers.
Post by Nogods Nomasters
He colapsed into a chair, slumped forward holding his face in his hands
and began to sob openly. I peeked in the shoebox and a chill sank
through me from what I saw. It was his copy of the Necronomicon, and a
nickle plated, pearl handled 45 automatic.
A pimp's gun. Your friend must be running a string of crack whores.
Post by Nogods Nomasters
I quickly put the shoebox in the closet, out of sight and out of reach,
then closed the door securely.
Closets are excellent containment vessels for dread tomes of
necromancy.

I pulled up a chair and sat in front of
Post by Nogods Nomasters
my friend. "Tell me," I said as compassionately as I could, "tell me
what's happened, What is this all about?" And I must say I was relieved
that it was not as bad as I imagined when I first saw the gun.
Thought he was going to bust a cap on you? Chicken.
Post by Nogods Nomasters
He told me about having fallen in with a "warlock." Some guy that owned
a metaphysical book store in a neighboring city.
Those bookstore guys are always trouble.

Who had agreed to help
Post by Nogods Nomasters
my friend in his search for knowledge, if my friend would serve him as
an apprentice. The warlock had been demanding more of my friends time
and in an ever increasing role of subserviance. He had recently demanded
that my friend shave off all his hair and body hair and return it to
him.
Hair fetish. Ug, I hate that.

And that he further cut all ties with his friends and family. When
Post by Nogods Nomasters
my friend refused the warlock had told him he had no choice, because he
had planted a seed in my friends brain and if he did not comply it would
fester and he would grow sick and die.
Sure it wasn't a magic bean?

It was clear to me as I listened
Post by Nogods Nomasters
that the "warlock" was more interested in a having a smooth young "boy"
as a sex slave than anything else.
Save that for your next Usenet fantasy post.
Post by Nogods Nomasters
Due to my experience as a mental health professional
Been in and out a lot, have you?

I realized that the
Post by Nogods Nomasters
"Ya know this is a bunch of bullshit" approach would be useless. I had
to come up with something else. I didn't really want to have him placed
on a psychiatric hold.
Is that something like a half-Nelson?
Post by Nogods Nomasters
I recalled a spell from one of my friends books, The White Light of
Purification.
Oooh, sounds evil.

It was supposed to be a defensive spell for protection
Post by Nogods Nomasters
from harm, specifically from other witches. I asked my friend if he
recalled that spell and he did. The spell is very simple, mostly
meditation. Concentrate on the flame of a candle till you see nothing
but white light and you are protected.
Don't do it. Bad for your eyes.

A load of crap yeah, but my
Post by Nogods Nomasters
friend believed. Meanwhile, I told him I would use my psychic powers
(lol) to extract the seed from his brain. So I massaged his scalp and
neck, as I would for anyone with a tension headache,
Uh-oh. More homo-erotic fantasies.

until he relaxed
Post by Nogods Nomasters
and stated that he had achieved the white light and that he felt the
seed was gone.
Seed was gone. Ha-ha. Good one. You massaged him until the "seed
was gone" did you?
Post by Nogods Nomasters
His demeanor was remarkably improved or I would never have let him go
home. He Assured me he would not harm himself, thanked my for the
strength of our friendship and expressed concern for my well being,
having removed the wizard seed from his brain and all.
Maybe he'll offer to become your apprentice.
Post by Nogods Nomasters
As a footnote to this part of the story I must relate that I had an
unusual nightmare that night. Not that it had anything to do with the
nights events, other than being influence by the bizarreness of it all.
But I dreamt that my body was covered with large boil like sores. When I
touched one of the sores it burst open and maggots came spilling out.
Only maggots? Pffft! Pussy.
Post by Nogods Nomasters
When my hand swept the worms from my arm it caused others to burst open
excruding wriggling masses of maggots. Then all over my body they began
to burst forth. I awakened in a sweat, and thought, "Whoa, that was
weird."
The next day I looked in the yellow pages for book sellers, or rather
buyers of rare and exotic books. I called a couple and described what I
had and was told "We want no part of such a thing."
Did they add, "because it's a worthless piece of crap, and we
can't move it"?

Eventually a store
Post by Nogods Nomasters
in Berkeley expressed an interest.
Well, yeah, Berkeley.
Post by Nogods Nomasters
When I entered, the clerk was busy with another customer so I browsed
around. All the books were on magic, astrology, tarrot, etc.
Additionally they had a wide selection of herbs, candles, incense and
the like. Eventually the customer concluded their business and the brass
bell obove the door clanged loudly signalling their departure.
Brass door bells will do that, but it would have made your
narrative more concise if you'd neglected to mention it. And
what's a "tarrot" anyway?
Post by Nogods Nomasters
The clerk was not the person whom I had spoke with on the phone and he
was full of questions.
Whereas you were full of ... answers?

How did I come by it. What did I know of it. Had
Post by Nogods Nomasters
I... read it. I was greeted with an expression of respectfull awe when I
said that I had.
Because you can read. That always impressed those who work in
bookstores.

He offered $300 for it.

Sucker.
Post by Nogods Nomasters
I took the money and set it aside in the shoebox with the 45,
Because shoe boxes make such good containment vessels for cash.

which I
Post by Nogods Nomasters
had decided not to try and sell. It wasn't registered to me and I
thought that might be a problem.
All those candy stores your troubled friend knocked over.

Besides I figured in a few months when
Post by Nogods Nomasters
my friend had his shit together he might want it back, and the $300
could be a nice little surprise for him.
Come on, be honest. You really got $800 for the book, didn't you?
Post by Nogods Nomasters
So anyway, that's my experience with the Necronomicon. And all parties
are still alive and well, 20 years later.
What a lousy ending. I feel cheated.

Al Smith
2004-11-26 02:59:55 UTC
Permalink
Post by kyletranel10
listen fool i will tell you the language in the book but only if you tell
me where it is. no location no language.
We already know the language of the Necronomicon. It was written
in Arabic.

and if you were wondering my
Post by kyletranel10
family goes bsk 1800 years and probembly more.
So does my family, and every family on the face of the earth.

my family used to own the
Post by kyletranel10
necronomicon about 1300 years ago.
You mean before it was written? Alhazred wrote the Necronomicon
circa the year 730.

that book has been around forever. not
Post by kyletranel10
just when lovecraft said he discovered it. which he didn't.
Lovecraft never claimed to have discovered the book, he claimed to
have invented it.

6 generations
Post by kyletranel10
of my family have died over that book protecting it.
Six generations, that's about 200 years or less. What about the
other 1100-plus years of your family? Didn't they protect the book?

and noe the goverment
Post by kyletranel10
has it at the white house or somewear and my family wants it back so once
again it will be safe.
I think it's safe enough right where it is, in that big government
warehouse where they keep the Ark of the Covenant.

if you want to know more just go under the post
Post by kyletranel10
necronomicom and it is written by me.
kyletranel10.............................
John Prenis
2004-11-26 14:30:29 UTC
Permalink
Dubbya has the Necronomicon? Suddenly it all becomes clear...

kyletranel10 <***@yahoo.com> wrote:
: [snippo] and noe the goverment has it at the white house or somewear
catlady1001
2004-12-30 18:14:47 UTC
Permalink
How do you know that it was made up? You dont know. I'm not saying that
love craft was completely correct. I have seen his movie on the
necronomicon and I believe that he went on assumptions of what he thought
it was about,but the book it self is real. having experienced good and
evil magic myself and reding my wiccan bible on the book of the dead. I
am a believer. If you believe in a god you cant see, or spirits who have
died,than you believe in magic.
Don D'Ammassa
2004-12-31 01:18:41 UTC
Permalink
Post by catlady1001
How do you know that it was made up? You dont know. I'm not saying that
love craft was completely correct. I have seen his movie on the
necronomicon and I believe that he went on assumptions of what he thought
it was about,but the book it self is real. having experienced good and
evil magic myself and reding my wiccan bible on the book of the dead. I
am a believer. If you believe in a god you cant see, or spirits who have
died,than you believe in magic.
We know the book isn't real because, among other things, there are no
references to its existence before Lovecraft made it up for his stories.
He also acknowledged that he made it up.
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